What I think we did right...

I'm no expert in divorce (thank God) and I sure as hell don't claim to have done everything right over the last year. But, I think Jason and I have done a great job in making this huge life transition and I wanted to share with you what I think made it successful...at least from the parenting perspective. And while my hope is that everyone that has to go through this type of change can experience what we experienced, I know that isn't always the case...so my advice to you is to just keep swimming and focus on your children if you have them and if not, focus on yourself.

You see, my number one fear over the last year, was how the divorce would affect my children. If there was ever a second thought about whether or not I was doing the right thing for myself, it was because of them. Savannah has always been such a smart girl and grew incredibly close with Jason towards the middle to end of last year as much of my time was consumed with Jackson. I didn't want her to resent either of us and I wanted both of us to continue being strong presences in her life. And for better or worse, Jackson is too young to remember what life with both of us was like, so this new type of family will be "normal" for him.

Looking back from where we are now, I often think about the most important things we did to make this huge life change an easier transition for her.


First, Jason and I lived in the same house for several months while we were separated (on opposite sides of the house). We even began operating off of a "time-sharing schedule," so the kids could get used to being alone with each of us and we could each get our own routines down. I think this was incredibly beneficial for Savannah. I didn't want her to wake up one day, sit down for a chat where we say..."Daddy is moving out today and you'll start spending time at his house and time at my house." And it was very important for us to tell her together.

So, after the holidays last year, we decided that it was time to tell Savannah about the divorce. Both of us were more nervous to tell her than we needed to be. While I'm not sure she fully understood what was happening at the time, she seemed excited about Daddy's new place and being able to have two bedrooms. I am still amazed at how well she has done with everything. Sure, there are times where she misses him when she's with me and times where I know she wishes we could all be together again, but she's learning that this evolution of her family is just as normal as it used to be.

Second, Jason and I vowed to always put the children first...in everything. Divorce is never easy, but casting our emotions aside and focusing on what is best for the kids made everything much easier to negotiate and we ended up agreeing on our Parenting Plan and our Marital Settlement Agreement without the help of attorneys, a mediator, or a judge. In fact, the day of our final divorce hearing, we both walked into the judge's chambers together and while we sat on opposite sides of the room at the Petitioner and Respondent's tables, we knew that what we were doing was the right thing for us.

Third, and probably most important, is that we still remain friends. In fact, we are better friends now than when we were married. I know what you're thinking...why not just stay married? Well, it isn't that simple. Being friends, with completely open lines of communication, allows us to co-parent the children better than most divorced couples that I've met. It was always important for us to make sure that for life events like birthdays, graduations, weddings, etc., that we be able to plan/attend one function for the kids. Our first life event was Savannah's 7th birthday party. We planned it together (albeit last minute) and made sure that she knew how much each of us loved her because we were able to focus on her the entire time and not worry about being uncomfortable having our ex-spouse in the room. It went much better than I could have imagined.

Fourth, we both want each other to be happy. Happy as parents, happy in work and happy in our new love lives. I never wanted to hurt Jason in any of this and I know that he is a much better and stronger man than I married. He has persevered through the most tumultuous 8 months of his life and things are really starting to fall into place for him. I will be here to support him in the best way that I can and continue to put the children first in every decision I make.

I am confident in our abilities to co-parent these children and raise them as intelligent, loving and respectful people. I hope one day they will thank their father and I for handling this the best way we know how...with love in our hearts for them.