Here's what I wish I could change...

I try not to look in the rear view mirror too much, instead I like to think the front windshield is as large as it is for a reason...because what lies ahead is so much better.  But, there are times when it is necessary to pause, reflect and think about different ways to do things that may not have gone the way that you wanted or expected.

So, here's a quick note about what I wish I could change:

- I've said it before, and I'll say it again...I wish I was nicer to people while I was growing up.  You never know the impact you have on some one's life, and to think that I was as cruel and unloving toward others tears me up on a daily basis.  I could've had an opportunity to make life long friends that I could take girls' trips with, or meet up on family vacations, or who knows??  But instead, I didn't and I don't have those friends.

- I wish I would have shown my parents how much I love them from day one.  Growing up, it is so easy to take for granted the love and guidance provided by your parents.  I don't think I realized it until (1) I had my own kids, and (2) I needed them most.  They have always and will always be there for me.  I've heard every day almost, for the past 15 years that they love me and that they are proud of me.  I hope they know how much their love and friendship mean to me...they are my northern star.

- I wish I would've gotten a law degree.  I know, I still can, but with 5 kids to take care of most of the time and a full-time job, how in the hell will I find the time?  I didn't do it when I graduated college with my Bachelor's, because I wanted to get married and I hated reading.  I didn't realize back then, that I would truly enjoy the research aspects of law and the opportunity to negotiate and argue my point.  So for now, I research random information that has no impact on my job and I argue my point and negotiate with my children.

- I wish I would've stayed in better contact with my high school best friend.  Rhonda and I first met in 3rd grade, and up until the time we left for college, we were pretty much inseparable.  She was there with me during my best times...and my worst times.  She always loved me and always listened to me when I needed someone to lean on.  Who would've thought that after all these years, we'd be in similar places in our lives, but still so unconnected that we can't make up for lost time?  I'm sorry for not being there for you Rhonda, and living my life in a bubble.  Thelma and Louise will live forever in my heart and memories.

Some of you may be wondering why I didn't mention my relationship with Jason, and whether or not I wish I didn't get married.  Quite frankly, I'm glad that I experienced that part of my life as I think it is part of why I am the strong, independent woman that I am today.  Jason and I are great friends and I am truly happy that he has found someone he wants to spend the rest of his life with.  He and his fiancee are building a wonderful life for our children and I know that he loves them.

You may also wonder why I didn't say anything about wishing I'd met AJ earlier...that's pretty simple too.  I don't think he and I would have the bond and love for one another that we do today had we met when we were younger.  He came into my life at exactly the right moment, and I bet he'd say the same about me.  He is a strong, loving, resilient, and determined man, and without experiencing what we've gone through over the last 10 months, I am pretty sure we wouldn't have the relationship we have. 

So although my regrets in life are few and far between, I feel like if I don't share them and think about them from time to time, I'll never learn from them.